Meeting Steven, getting married, and starting a family all happened so fast, but I wouldn't have done it any other way. It truly feels like a fairytale come true or the best daydream I've ever had, and I fall harder in love with my little family every day. I am always thankful in my prayers that I have been blessed with the opportunity to be a mom and wife, because it has brought me so much joy. The challenging time I went through before taught me to be even more appreciative of EVERYTHING, because everything is a gift, and can be taken at any second. It's hard to view things that way when in the midst of hardship, but it's true. I think that helped me through losing my brother. I try to think of his presence in my life as a gift from god, and how lucky am I that I am his big sister? So lucky. Plus I am very confident that I will see him again someday.
Today would have been Jonny's 25th birthday. My parents are also moving today. Of all the days they could have left their home for the last 26 years, they pick today! It's a hard transition for them, but it's time, and we will all forever miss that gorgeous home. They built that house with their kids in mind. For me they built a bench in my room by the windows, so that I could check out all of my dates before they picked me up. They also designed the staircase with my wedding day in mind... hoping to get a picture of my dad and I walking down that staircase on my special day.
I'm happy that I could fulfill that dream for them.
I will miss the place I called home for so long, and so much of Jonny is there - hence his tattoo:
Sometimes people ask me how I'm doing with Jonny being gone, and theres really no good answer, but I miss him all the time. The strange thing about time is that the more that goes by, the more "normal" his absence seems. Like people always say, "it gets easier with time", and it does... but in a way I hate that it's easier, or the idea that it is, because it means it's been X amount of time... and he's still not back, even though it's "easier". It's a strange concept to me. Sometimes with loss I think that we think if it feels harder, then the people we lost are closer, which is why it can be so hard for some people to move forward to the easier phase, where they seem so far. But I try to remember that the time we spend without those we love here on hearth is so minimal compared to the time we will spend with them in the future :)
Steven's family lost their uncle Steve recently, and I know their family has been experiencing similar things to what my family went through with Jonny. We couldn't make it to his funeral, but we certainly wish we could have.
Eliza is awake and is kicking me as I write this post. She is seriously the most amazing little creature to me. I know she is my baby, but I am obsessed with her. I can understand why people get baby fever now! She is a very happy baby. She is about 3 and a half months now... still not sleeping through the night, but I'm hoping that when she starts eating solids that she will. I'm also hoping we can start something sooner rather than later because I'm so exhausted. I do embrace and savor the tender moments I spend with her in the middle of the night, when she needs me, and it feels so good to help her... but at the same time it will be nice to sleep for an entire night again someday :)
I LOVE being a mom. It's so amazing and life changing. She is my little bestie and she is so sweet. At this point in time she is starting to scoot, she does little rolls (but not all the way over), she is very chatty, she loves music and lights, and she puts this fat smile on her face that just melts our hearts when she is whining in her crib and then sees me or Steven. She's my favorite little person. Ever.
