It's about 6AM now as I am starting to write this post. Between 1AM and now I've eaten a banana, 2 bowls of cereal, eggs, greek yogurt with granola and fruit. That should be enough to get me to sleep, yet I still feel like I haven't seen food in weeks. I've slept maybe about 2 hours tonight, and I've gotten to the point where I'm wide awake, still hungry, and I don't know what to do about it. So my solution is to write an update on how awesome I've been feeling lately :) This must be god's way of preparing me for the lack of sleep that will continue over the next several months.
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I've been trying to stay active. It's the only thing that makes me feel better. I'm the only 37+ week pregnant person at the gym, and I feel like everyone is staring at me, but I can't get enough of the amazing comments that people make so I continue to go. Strangers really are awesome when you're pregnant... they say the darndest things and they have no fear or censor! Here are a few that I've experienced thus far:
"Oh honey, is that thing going to come out soon"?
"You're baby is huge! Let me tell you what happened to my (cousin/sister/friend etc.)".... proceed to some horror story of labor/ delivery
"How far along are you? Oh.... I'm sorry!"
The down side to the gym is that it makes me extra hungry! I'm grazing all day, and I'm having a difficult time finding food that will satiate me. The other difficult thing is that my feet are really starting to swell. It's tough to be active when it hurts to walk.
I'm about 37 and a half weeks now, and supposedly this is crunch time, but i'll be honest: every day feels like a year. I'm usually not one to complain publicly, especially about something as miraculous as pregnancy, but this is seriously hard! And I just want to whine. I've been also finding comfort in learning about the pregnancy symptoms/ experiences of others, because A. it makes me feel like I'm not alone on this physically challenging journey, and B. It gives me hope that my body can endure successfully through these last few weeks. So to my pregnant sisters out there, lets commiserate.
What is sleep? I forget because it feels like I haven't slept in days. Why? Because I have to pee every 10 seconds, and because I'm starving! I've gained 40 pounds so far, and it really is primarily in my belly. I don't say that to brag ("I'm all Belly!") but really, I'm starting to look about as long horizontally as I do vertically. I may tip over. The weight gain thing has been hard for me to wrap my mind around, because I've gained almost half of my original body weight, and I've been trying to maintain a healthy diet. It's uncomfortable to carry around that much extra weight, and it has been a psychological trip, because I've always been a small person. I feel selfish saying that, but it truly has been a trial for me. I'm told that this much weight gain is "normal" though, and I really am grateful that I have such a healthy girl growing in there. The doctor made a wild guess that she is already 7 lbs when I went in for my visit today. He also made the prediction that labor isn't looming in my immediate future, and that she will likely be over 8 lbs. by the time I deliver. My dad says baby weight predictions really are a big guessing game though. No one really knows for sure, so we will see.
I also discussed with my doctor my fear that the baby will get stuck on her way out during delivery (since I've heard so many horror stories from my stranger friends lately). He made me feel better with some advice and stories of other small girls he has delivered, but he thinks I may be on track for an induction at 41 weeks because I haven't shown many physical signs that my body is gearing up for labor soon. I really hope she doesn't wait that long to come out, but I trust my doctors (and my dad/mom), and I want to do what is best for her... even if it means maintaining my lifestyle as a starving zombie for the next 3+ weeks.
I'm convinced that the purpose of pregnancy brain is to help us forget about how wild of an experience pregnancy is, so that we will be more likely to do this again, and again. Otherwise I can't understand why people do this so many times. When I'm feeling like I do now, I like to look at pictures my friends' babies as well as pictures of my nieces and nephews.
Mercer had a drowning scare a couple of weeks ago, and even though I was far away, and even though I can't even begin to imagine the way the incident made my brother and sister-in-law feel... it really put into perspective for me how fragile and wonderful babies are, as well as how sacred of a calling parenthood is. The experience made me want to hug my little niece so tight and tell her how much I love her, and at the same time it made me feel even more protective of and grateful for my own little girl growing inside me.
Labor and delivery/ the next few weeks feel like a looming cloud hanging over my head. It feels like this will never be over, and all I want is for my girl to continue to be safe and healthy (and maybe not to wait too long to get here). I know I'm not the first one in the world to feel these things, but pregnancy has allowed me to experience the most significant challenges and blessings that come along with being a woman. I am both grateful for and exhausted from this experience.
I can't wait to meet this little thing, and I pray not only that all will continue to go well, but that I will be the best mom to her. I hope she knows how loved and special she is. She is worth every minute of this wild journey.
